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Q's, Q's and More Q's

Answers to Many Common Questions

The hardest part about your unplanned pregnancy is accepting the fact that you are, in fact, pregnant! Accepting this will pull you out of your comfort zone and force you to think about some things you may not want to think about. If the questions floating around in your head seem like a mass of confusion right now, try not to worry. No one has all the answers, but here are some honest answers to a few of your obvious questions.

Why me, why now?
This may seem obvious, but every behavior has a consequence. For example, driving like a maniac will earn you a traffic ticket. Your pregnancy is the result of a decision you made to be sexually active. The best thing you can do now is not to worry about the past, but to get on with making the best decision for your present situation and the future.

Will people ever think of me in the same way?
Probably not. That does not mean they will think worse of you. In fact, if you do your best to make a good decision and stick to it, you will probably gain the respect of your family and friends.

Will I regret this experience in the future, and will I ever be able to put it behind me?
No matter how you decide to handle your pregnancy, you will probably feel some regret. But do not associate regret with guilt. Your pregnancy was not planned, and you were not completely prepared to deal with it. When you accept this pregnancy as a part of your life, you will probably also see that there is not much time for regret, because you have to start making some important decisions. The best way you can get through your feelings of regret and guilt is to know inside that you are trying to do what is best.

Will there be any help for me in my situation?
You will be surprised at the kind of support that can turn up. Your family and close friends are the first place to look for support. Be patient with them, though, because it may take some time before they get used to the idea that you are pregnant. Teachers, school counselors or professional counselors, and your clergy can also be a great help. Options Magazine can also be an excellent source of support by providing you valuable insight and resources.

What are my options, and how do I know which one is the best?
That is definitely the “big” question and the purpose of this magazine. If we can help you to answer this question, then we have done our part. The options you face are: adoption, abortion, marriage, or single parenting. The only way to know which choice is best for you is to find out as much as you can about all of them. Then use what you know about each one to make a choice that will work best with your own set of circumstances.

How am I going to cope with all the changes this has dumped in my lap?
Do not expect to adjust all at once. Take each day one at a time. Even if you feel like you just got body slammed into adulthood, you need to give yourself plenty of time to become stronger and more rational about your situation.

What consideration do I have to give to the birth father?
It depends a lot on what he wants to do and what the law is in your state regarding birth father parental rights. Sadly, some birth fathers disappear the minute they find out they are parents. However, sometimes they want to share parenting or help raise the child, and they may have a legal right to do so in your state. Some may want to marry, while others may only want to help with money. Ask an adoption counselor what the law is in your state so you will understand both the birth father’s legal rights and your own.

What if my family and friends reject me?
The truth is that not everyone will reject you, but you may have to build a new circle of support if some of your friends or family turn their backs on you. Part of growing up is forming new relationships and getting support from people who love you regardless of your circumstances.

You will probably get a better feel for the answers to these questions as time passes. And Options Magazine is full of articles geared to help you along the way.