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I Just Laid Out My Options

A True Story of why Lori chose adoption

The Story of Lori

Lori is 22; she ‘s now happily married for the second time and is pregnant with her third child. Lori’s first marriage produced one child; and the father of her second child chose not to be involved. Lori looks forward to creating a lasting family with her husband and their two children.

When I found out I was pregnant the second time, the first thing I did was to just lay out my options. I could have this baby and keep it; I could have an abortion; or I could choose adoption. I knew I didn't want to marry the baby’s father, because I didn't really love him. He just kind of blew me off when I told him I was pregnant. So marriage wasn't one of the options I looked at. It was just a matter of choosing between the other options. Abortion was automatically crossed off in my book, so it was just a decision between adoption and keeping my baby.

I decided I couldn't keep my baby, because I couldn't give that baby the life that it deserved. The baby deserved a better chance; the baby deserved a family with a mother and a father. And there are a lot of good couples out there who just can’t have kids yet want a baby so
desperately.

Oh sure, I probably could have found the means to take care of this baby if I needed to; I was already a single parent of one child. But I just felt like this baby deserved more of a life than I could give it. So a few weeks after I found out I was pregnant, I had already decided on adoption. I knew that was what I wanted to do pretty much from the beginning. It wasn't an easy decision, though.

I guess no solution to an unplanned pregnancy is easy. Any solution brings difficulties with it. I guess the hardest thing for me with the adoption of my baby was when the social worker and the family came to my hospital room. I’d been fine up to that point, because I’d been reminding myself that I really was doing the best thing for this baby. But when they came in the room, I just fell apart. The one thing that helped me out was knowing that this was not the last time I was going to see my baby. I decided to have a semi-open adoption were the adoptive family would send pictures and letters until the child was 18 years old. Despite this comforting fact I just bawled. I think I went through a box of Kleenex in five minutes; I couldn't control myself.

The one thing that really helped me out was how nice the adoptive family was. The agency I worked with asked a lot of questions about the type of family I wanted for my baby and they were able to show me profiles of several adoptive families. I chose Jeff and Michelle. They were so nice and sweet to me and I knew that they were going to be able to provide the same amount of love to my child as I would.

I decided not to give the baby a name, because I thought it would be too much of an attachment. I did hold him, though. I wanted to hold him, because I wanted to say goodbye. I’m really glad I did. After the family left with the baby, I cried for probably another hour and then I just kind of felt numb. I just didn't know what to feel anymore. Even now I think about him at certain times of the year, mostly on his birthday and see how happy he is in the pictures that I get from Jeff and Michelle.

On the other hand, I love knowing that he’s in a home with a two-parent family. I feel like I made the right decision for him, giving him a family instead of just a mom who’d be stressed out all the time and most likely on welfare for who knows how long. It’s nice to know he'll grow up in a real family where there is enough money to take care of him, knowing he can have the things that he needs and wants. Those are the main reasons I chose adoption.

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