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Our Son

A True Story of why Ruth chose adoption

Ruth is 24, but was 23 when she created an adoption plan for her baby. She wanted to marry her boyfriend, but he was against the idea. She has been to college, lives with roommates, and has a good job to support herself.

I remember when I found out I was pregnant. It was a real shock. I was just sure I wasn't pregnant, because I’d been in so many times before and had tests and I never was pregnant. When I got home, I just cried for hours. I was afraid of how my boyfriend was going to react. I was afraid he’d say “Well, that’s it..” I knew I had to make some decisions.

I wanted to marry my boyfriend; I was in my twenties and felt ready for marriage. But I didn't get to choose marriage because he chose not to marry me. He wanted me to keep the baby and think about getting married some time in the future. And actually, single parenting was what I was determined to do for a long time. But I changed my mind and decided on adoption because of my personal feelings and some advice from people whom I respected. It wasn't pressure, just advice.

I thought about it a lot. I mean, that’s the only way you can really live with any decision you make is to decide for yourself and then know it’s right. As the time approached, preparations for the adoption were made. I remember the night before I had to visit the adoption counselor to decide between the families available. I didn't know how I’d choose between them, so I hoped that somehow I would know which family to choose.

The next day, when I was in the counselor’s office, the baby inside me began kicking like crazy when the counselor showed me the file of a particular family. That was the family I chose to raise my baby. The adoption was going to be a semi-open one. I knew the heights, weights, hair color, professions, and number of children the family had, but I didn't know their last names or address. It was nice to know something about them.

Well, the time approached and one day I ended up in the hospital with my mom, dad, boyfriend, and a beautiful baby boy. After I delivered him, I wanted to bond with him. So I just stayed awake and held him the whole time. I thought a lot about not holding him but decided against it. That just seemed like running away from the situation rather than dealing with it. I would have regretted not holding him and would have always wished that I would have. I knew, though, that within a few hours he would be gone. The hardest thing for me was handing him to the family to take him away. The second hardest thing was signing the papers. Even though it was difficult I felt that everyone involved was looking out for my best interests and making absolutely certain that this decision was the right one for me.

The whole first month after that day in the hospital was really hard, I was so sad and depressed. However, I didn't feel like I’d completely lost my baby boy, because his adopted family kept in contact with me through the adoption agency. They sent me pictures and letters until he was six months old. I was getting stuff from them twice a month. Getting pictures was one thing that was kind of happy and sad at the same time.

My heart breaks every time I look at a picture, but then I can also see how happy he looks and that makes me happy. It helped give me peace of mind to see the pictures and know that he was well taken care of and had a real family with a mother and a father. I love his family; they’re perfect. They’re just what he needs and they are very considerate of me. I feel like they will raise him and teach him to love me, which is really all I could ask of them. For a while, at first, I was jealous of them, especially his adopted mother. And then finally I just realized that he belongs to her, that she loves him as much as I do and that she understands that I love him, too. In all the letters, she refers to him as our son. That’s exactly what he is and precisely the reason I chose adoption. Sure, it still hurts, especially on holidays and on his birthday. But I know that he has a family with two parents who can raise him and love him and give him a life that I can’t. That’s exactly why I chose adoption.

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