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Adoption Myths (options magazine)

The Myths and Truths about Adoption

Nothing is ever quite so dramatic as movies and TV make it seem. If someone wrote down all of the exciting things that ever happened, they might amount to a single episode of a daytime soap opera, but no more than one episode. It is doubtful, however, that it would be as dramatic.

The same is true for adoption. Newspapers, movies, and TV shows have had to search for adoption stories that are dramatic enough to hold an audience’s attention; most of what they have shown is exaggerated or only partially true. Myths about adoption are commonly shown and believed. This article is intended to expose some of the myths about adoption and counter them with facts.

Myth: A really caring birth mother would never give up her child.
A birth mother who selflessly creates an adoption plan for her child is placing her child’s best interests above her own. Adoption is a caring and responsible process that’s as natural and loving as parenting is. Friends or family members who believe this myth may try to convince you to keep your baby, even when you know it’s not the best thing for you to do. You will need to help them understand how a decision to become a single parent would affect your life now and later, because you and your child are the ones who will have to live with the option you choose.

Myth: Adoption is an irresponsible solution to an unplanned pregnancy.
If anything, adoption requires a tremendously responsible action on your part. Don’t feel guilty for considering adoption or think of parenting as a deserved punishment for your unplanned pregnancy. By creating an adoption plan that ensures your child will be cared for and provided for properly, you show how much you love and respect your child.

Myth: No one can love a child as much as the birth mother.
While it is probably true that your feelings for your baby run deep, that kind of love is not a matter of biology. It is not inherited. Adoptive couples can love a child just as much as the birth parents. Their love for your child is the result of a lot of effort and desire to be a
parent. There are a lot of prospective adoptive couples out there who have these qualities. In fact, these couples have a deep-seated appreciation for the children they adopt because they realize what a blessing it is to have these children in their lives.

Myth: You will never hear from or see your child again if you create an adoption plan.
This has been true in the past in closed adoptions. But today you can create open or semi-open adoption plans that make it possible for you to communicate with your child after placement through letters, photos, phone calls, or even occasional visits.

Myth: Eventually, you’ll forget about your child.
You know that you could never forget the child you carried for nine months. You will remember your child, and while sometimes this might be hard around birthdays or holidays, you will remember your adoption plan as a loving, selfless decision that you made for your child’s future and happiness.

Myth: Adoption will cause serious, long-term emotional problems.
Of course, you will go through a natural process of grieving, but that will end. Grieving is a natural part of moving on with your life. There is little evidence that birth mothers suffer long-term emotional problems, especially if the adoption is open or semi-open and the birth mother receives some counseling and chooses on her own to create an adoption plan.

Myth: Adopted children will eventually have serious psychological problems.
Research has proved that adopted children have no more psychological problems than children raised by their birth parents. In fact, most adoptive parents work very hard to make sure their homes and parenting relationships are loving, caring and strong.

Myth: All adoptees search for their birth parents.
Even with closed adoptions of the past, studies have shown that only five percent of adoptees ever search for either of their birth parents. With today’s open and semi-open adoption plans, searches are unnecessary because all parties of the adoption plan already know each other.

In Closing . . .
Creating an adoption plan can be a positive and loving experience for all concerned as long as the decision was your own and not due to the influence of others. Remember that it is natural to feel some sadness and disappointment no matter what choice you make--none of your available options will seem completely satisfactory. Nevertheless, it is important that you select the solution to your pregnancy that best suits your needs and those of your baby.

If you have more questions about adoption or would like more information on adoption

choices, you should talk to a counselor. They will understand and anticipate your concerns, while helping you make sure that your choice is a sound, informed decision based on the real facts about adoption—and not the myths.