Options Magazine » Adoption Articles

A Special Letter

Many birth mothers who opt for a closed or semi-open adoption find it very comforting to write a letter before their child’s birth, expressing the love they feel for him or her.

This letter given to the adoptive couple provides her an opportunity to describe the circumstances affecting her decision.

She may also want to share other information in this special letter. For example, she may wish to describe the kind of person she knows herself to be, her strengths and her talents, and her likes and dislikes. She may explain how both she and her baby inherited their red hair and freckles or other physical features. She may also include pictures of herself and even the birth father, if she wishes.

Most adoptive couples appreciate receiving such letters, because it helps them answer their child’s questions through the years. Most children are happy to receive such letters too. They find them comforting, as they learn to understand the adoption process and to
discover who their birth mother was.

Search and Reunion
A birth mother can keep her identity confidential within a closed or semi-open adoption plan and still provide an opportunity for her child to contact her in the future in one of two ways:

First, she can provide to the agency or attorney written instructions to inform the adoptive couple that she is willing to be reunited with her child after his or her eighteenth birthday.

Second, if a mutual consent registry has been established in her state for the purpose of reuniting adoptees with their birth parent(s), she may file her identifying information with it.

Despite what the media would have us believe, even though some adoptees do search for their birth parents, studies show that fewer than five out of a hundred adopted children ever feel inclined to follow this course.