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Gearing Up

Counseling, The Adoption Process, and Your Emotions

“...a counselor can serve as both a friend and a confidante to you.”

Whether one chooses to create an adoption plan with an agency or an attorney, and whether the adoption is to be open, semi-open or closed, getting good counseling should play an important part in the adoption plan.

In fact, free counseling should begin when you first start to explore the possibility of creating an adoption plan for your child.

Receiving counseling early on will give you someone you can confide in and ask questions regarding the adoption process.

If you choose adoption as the best option for your pregnancy then you should continue to receive counseling throughout your pregnancy and for a short while after the birth of your child and its placement with the adoptive couple.

Why Counseling?
Counseling is an important ingredient to finding out more about your options when considering any of the four solutions to an unplanned pregnancy. But it can be particularly important to find a counselor when you are considering adoption. You should look for a counselor who is well-versed in adoption and will be able to respond to any questions you have about today’s adoption plans. Such a counselor will also be knowledgeable in each of the other options to unplanned pregnancy: single parenting, abortion, and marriage. The role of the counselor in this situation is to help you make a decision by providing a safe and unbiased setting for comparing your available options. A counselor can also help you formulate a back-up plan, in the event you should change your mind or decide you are unable to complete the option which you originally chose.

What Else Can It Do?
Getting counseling can help you prepare for your adoption experience. There are many issues involved in creating an adoption plan, and all birth mothers considering adoption can use the assistance of a guide to help them understand exactly what types of choices are available.

Additionally, a counselor can serve as both a friend and confidante to you. A counselor can also be very helpful if the you begin to doubt your decision and need to rethink your options.

Emotions and Adoption
When you elect to create an adoption plan, you will learn that counseling can play an important role in an adoption, both before and after the birth and placement of your child. A counselor can also help you learn to cope with a broad range of emotions you may or may not encounter as a result of creating an adoption plan for your child. Some of these emotions may occur before the birth of your child, while some may occur after delivery or separation from your child. One emotion that can occur before the birth of a child is sometimes called anticipatory grief and may consist of feelings which range from sadness or loss to anticipation or just anxiety over the future. Getting some counseling regarding these feelings and the impending separation can help you come to an understanding that those feelings are very normal and are neither right nor wrong. Nor do these emotions indicate whether or not you have made a good or a bad decision. They are just there, and your counselor can help you learn how to deal with them positively and how to put them into perspective.

A counselor can also be very comforting to you if, after the delivery of your child, you should experience a sort of grieving called
“post-partum depression.” Hormonal changes that occur in a woman’s body as a result of childbirth often cause the so called “baby blues.” And while some women will not experience these blues at all, those who do may need a counselor to help them understand that it is okay to feel this way and to teach them some ways to cope with the natural feelings at the end of pregnancy.

Just as growing from our experiences is a normal part of our lives, completing your adoption plan is no different. Even though you may know in your heart and mind that your child’s adoption plan was a well-thought-out act of love, you can always benefit by receiving some counseling to help you gain the most from this very important life experience. This is the beginning of your future, and getting it off on the right foot is important.

Looking for a Counselor
If you are thinking about creating a plan you will need to call an adoption professional, listed in the yellow pages under “Adoption Services” (or “Abortion Alternatives”) and ask to speak with a counselor. If, instead, you are looking towards a private adoption, you will want to call an adoption attorney listed in the yellow pages under “Attorneys,” followed by the sub-heading “Adoption.” Or you might call prospective adoptive couples listed in this magazine. In addition to all of these choices you can also call Options Magazine at 1-866-OPT-MAGS for a free referral to a qualified counselor and/or adoption professional in your area.

Whether you call an agency, an attorney, or a couple, you will find caring people who are willing to guide you toward counseling. A high school counselor, religious leader or physician can also give referrals for counseling in such situations. The most important thing is that you find a counselor who is knowledgeable about adoption and with whom you feel comfortable.

Birth Mother Support Groups
Another way in which a counselor can be helpful in directing young women to birth mother support groups in their area. Attending a support group made up of young women working through similar situations can help you gain insights to answer your questions, while allowing you to make new friends who can support one another throughout the decision-making process.

Friendships made in support groups can help you feel more comfortable about your situation and less alone. In fact, it is not unusual for a birth mother to find that her old friends (and even relatives) do not understand her need to talk about the feelings she is experiencing, and attending a support group provides a birth mother an outlet where she can discuss these feelings. Most birth mothers who have attended support groups report that belonging to such a group was very helpful.

In Closing...
Counselors can also help you find resources to begin receiving pre-natal care, help you locate a health care provider, or help you in creating a plan to complete your education. Counselors have also been found to be helpful in assisting birth mothers reach a decision which they can own. Once you have reached a decision regarding your pregnancy, you will usually realize that—no matter which option you choose—there is some sadness, loss or pain to be experienced. However, counseling helps you to acknowledge and cope with your feelings, allowing you to begin taking the steps necessary to move on with your life.

Lastly, because there are many issues surrounding adoption, it is easy to see how important it is to receive counseling from a professional who can help you carefully weigh your options. Regardless of what others think, you need only select the option which best suits your individual circumstances. By doing so, you can be sure that you are making the right decision for both yourself and your baby.

“...you can always benefit by receiving some counseling to help you gain the most from this very important life experience.”

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