Options Magazine » Marriage Articles

I Do... Or I Don’t

Factors to Think About Before Deciding on Marriage

Why do so many movies end at the altar, with the preacher pronouncing the beautiful couple man and wife? Have you ever left the theater wondering if the lives of the newlyweds would be as exciting after they were married as they were before saying “I do.”? Is that the single most exciting moment in marriage? Not at all. Marriage can be full of exciting experiences. And if you are considering it as the next step in your pregnancy experience, you have plenty of good times to look forward to. But like every great opportunity, marriage comes with its own set of challenges and responsibilities.

While no one can tell you everything to expect in your marriage, we can help you consider some things that will help you better prepare for the big “I do.”

I love him I love him not...
The first question to ask yourself is, “Who am I doing this for?” If the answer is not for myself, marriage may not be the right choice. Some other questions to ask yourself include:

Why do I want to get married?

If I were not pregnant, would I still want to get married?

Why does my partner want to marry me?

Would he still want to marry me if I were not pregnant?

Do I really love him?

Do I still want to date?

Have I looked around enough to know that he is what I want?

If after asking yourself each of these questions you find that you really do love each other and would have gotten married anyway, cheers!

What else to ask myself?
Another important question to ask yourself is what kind of husband you think he will make, because people generally do not change just because they get married. More than likely, the way he treats you now is how he will treat you after you exchange vows. If he treats you well, that is great. But if not, perhaps you will want to rethink your decision. Marriage is seldom a quick fix for relationships that are not working.

Finally, marrying someone for the sake of your baby, because it seems romantic, or because you do not want to be alone are not good enough reasons to get married. The bottom line is that unless you are getting married because it is what you both want, you might not be up to all the hard work that comes with it.

Splash!!!
Once you have decided to take the plunge, you have even more options to consider. You will need to think about how you are going to make your marriage work.

Ask yourself:

Who will work?

Where will you live?

How much can you afford for housing, food, and education?

How will you complete your education?

Who will care for the baby?

Will you attend his church or yours?

What kind of medical insurance do you have?

How much does it cost to have a baby?

What kind of transportation do you have?

Can you afford a car and car insurance?

With all these questions, your head may be swimming, but you do not need to have all the answers this instant. However, you will need to consider such questions before getting married, so be sure to talk them over with your partner now, rather than later.

Back-up plans are also a good idea, in case marriage does not happen. Suppose he does not ask you to marry him, even though you are expecting him to? Or what if he asks you to marry him, but later backs out of his commitment?

“...go into marriage knowing that you both want to get married for the right reasons, it will strengthen your commitment...”

Other Important Considerations
Whether or not you marry, another important part of creating a successful future for you and your baby, is to begin making plans to continue or complete your education. A high school diploma or GED certificate is a must.

Of course, you will also want to begin receiving prenatal care as soon as possible because very young mothers are particularly vulnerable to problem pregnancies and low birth weights.

In closing, if you and your partner can go into marriage knowing that you both want to get married for the right reasons, it will strengthen your commitment and prepare you for some of the challenges ahead.

“...unless you are getting married because it is what you both want, you might not be up to all the hard workthat comes with it”.