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I Couldn't Believe That I Was Pregnant

True Stories of Abortion
The Story of Bobbie

There was no way I could be pregnant! I had been taking the pill the whole time my boyfriend and I had been together so I couldn't get pregnant, right? That's what I thought then. It wasn't until later that I learned that taking the pill, or any contraception, isn't one hundred percent sure.

For a third time in her young life, 19-year-old Bobbie found herself facing an unplanned pregnancy. The first time she was 15 and chose adoption. The second time she was 18 and decided to raise her child on her own. This time, she chose a first-trimester abortion.

I didn't know what to do. My boyfriend and I hadn't been together very long and when I told him that I was pregnant he said it was my fault and took off. On top of everything, I already had a one year old and wasn't ready to have another baby.

I spent a lot to time at the beginning trying to blame someone or something. I think that I did that just so I could ignore the real questions I was facing.

When I did stop worrying about whose fault it was I still had all of the issues involved with being pregnant to consider. First, there are the physical effects of being pregnant. I got really sick the first time I was pregnant and I didn't think I could go through that again. Also, I don't think I had the emotional strength to go through all of it alone. It was more difficult then I thought to raise one child by myself, I couldn't imagine having a second one so young as well. Finally, to be perfectly honest, I just didn't have the finances to raise a second child. We were barely getting by, even with help from others.

I did tell a couple of close friends what was going on, but once I decided to have an abortion I knew I couldn't tell my parents. They would have been completely against the idea and I really didn't want anyone to know anyway. I also chose not to get counseling for the same reason even though I had a wonderful counselor to talk to the first time I was pregnant. I was definitely a mistake. Now I tell everyone that they need to see a counselor as soon as you know that you're pregnant. It's just nice to have someone to talk to who knows how you feel.

The actual abortion wasn't what I expected either. I thought that the experience would be easy and my problems would be over. Instead, I went through all of this turmoil, thinking "How can I do this?" I was ashamed to tell anyone what I had done. They say that your hormones are out of whack for a little while afterward and I'm sure mine were, but I know that I would have felt sad regardless.

Fortunately, I haven't had many physical complications, although, there is always the chance that something could turn up later. I did have something called PostAbortal Syndrome where your cervix closes up right afterward and you don't bleed. After a few days the bleeding is normal again.

Looking back on it, I guess I'm lucky in that I didn't have more physical complications like I thought I might. The real, lasting effects are emotional. I am still dealing with feelings of doubt, remorse, and shame that I'm not sure will ever go away.

I guess I just thought that I didn't have any choices when this happened. I was alone and struggling as it was and I didn't know what to do. I know that this is a very personal decision, but I would highly recommend a lot of counseling before making any choice. I wish I had spoken with someone before I decided.

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