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Why Single Parenting

What Brings Some Women to This Decision?

A young mother kneels at the mall, laden with diaper bag and blankets, strapping her baby into a stroller. You may wonder whether she is a “single mom,” someone surprised with pregnancy like you were, who chose to go it alone. You could be wondering how she feels about her decision. Does she still think she did the right thing? But what you are really thinking is, “Would single parenting be right for me?”
Why does one opt to become a single parent? There are a number of reasons. Any of them could be the reason you are considering the choice to become a single parent.

Reasoning It Out
One of the strongest motivations a woman has for single parenting is her strong emotional desire to keep the child she has conceived and carried throughout pregnancy. Or she may feel good about having a baby in her life to nurture and love, who will love her back unconditionally.

Another reason some choose to single parent is that however inconvenient the pregnancy is, she may be morally opposed to abortion. Many people feel that abortion is not even an option for them. For these reasons, many women end up as single parents without having chosen that option consciously. Single parenting may appear easier than abortion or adoption, which carry immediate feelings of loss, sadness and disappointment. But single parenting is no different. Single parents will experience these same emotions to a greater or lesser degree at some time.

Other Reasons
Occasionally, a woman may even choose to single parent in hopes of improving poor relationships at home with her mother, father or boyfriend. Studies show, however, that most such improvements are unlikely to be permanent. Still, this can sometimes be a strong motivation for single parenting. Other women may choose to single parent because they feel unfulfilled and think that having a child will add meaning and purpose to their lives.

Outside Influences
Influence from other people is still another reason some may choose to single parent. A woman may hear from friends or loved ones, “You made your bed, now lie in it!” Or “How could you chose not to have this baby?” But such remarks are often prompted by pride or hurt feelings, rather than by concern for helping you find the best solution for your circumstance. While friends and relatives are generally well-meaning, professional counselors are less apt to throw you “quick fix” phrases. They are trained to be objective in the advice they offer you, helping you make the best decision for you in your special circumstances.

Each woman has her own reasons for single parenting, and each reason is valid in her individual situation. However, every option should be carefully examined. Unless you consider all your options carefully before arriving at a decision, you may end up feeling that single parenting was “as good a choice as any.” To ensure this will not be the case you will want to take the time to make a conscious decision to single parent after considering all of your reasons and available options. By doing so, you will feel as good about your decision ten years from now as you do today.

Making the Best Decision
Is single parenting right for you? It is doubtful that any option is 100 percent right, as all of one’s options involve some levels of sadness, loss, and/or disappointment at one time or another. But as you examine your own circumstances and values, one option will seem to fit you better than the others. Because you and your child will be most affected by the consequences of your decision, try not to yield to pressures from family and friends. This decision should be your own, so speak with a good counselor, and then do what you think is best for you and your baby.

“Each woman has her own reasons for single parenting and each reason is valid in her individual situation.”

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