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Important Considerations

Some important things you and your counselor should discuss

In my friend’s photo album her mother is pictured sitting in the lap of her grandmother, a strong-willed Irish woman. Standing sternly by are her great-grandmother and great-great-grandmother. Certainly to follow in their footsteps would be extremely difficult as modern day mothering isn’t as easy as it looks.

It’s natural to want to have children and raise a family. Nature seems to work that way, and most people flow along that course, finding themselves married one day with children of their own. But parenting seems to be easier for some people than it is for others. Maybe it is a matter of timing...

Timing
There is a time in the lives of most women when they prepare for and anticipate having a child. If they have prepared themselves emotionally and financially for motherhood, they are more likely to be happy and comfortable in their new role when the baby comes.
However, some women who face unplanned pregnancies have difficult decisions to make.

For most young women deciding which option is best for them can only be decided after receiving counseling regarding each option and taking time to carefully think about their goals.

What are my Goals?
What were your goals for career and family before you got pregnant? Did you plan to finish high school or go to college? A choice to single parent does not mean you cannot achieve these goals, but your life may change in a way that will make it more difficult to go to school and to work outside the home. So this choice may require more commitment from you in order to realize your goals.

“But parenting seems to be easier for some people than it is for others. Maybe it is a matter of timing...”

I’ll only want my baby
There are some women who feel that having and taking care of their baby will satisfy all or most of their own personal needs, and they’ll never need anything else. But, studies have shown that many women will eventually miss the freedom and spontaneity of their old lifestyle. Many will again want to do some of the things they used to do such as dating, attending football games and proms, dancing, and shopping. As a single parent, these become much more difficult to pursue when child care must be arranged and money is in short supply.

If you do decide after reviewing each of your available options that single parenting is the best choice for you, a counselor can help you plan ways to accomplish your goals while still allowing you to do some of the fun things you used to do. Much of this planning will include setting up a support system of family and friends who can help you. A counselor can also introduce you to local support groups made up of other single parents. This is a positive way to make new friends with whom you can share common concerns. You might even be able to trade baby sitting or work out mutually beneficial living arrangements through such groups.

Will my life really change that much?
Yes. That is why you need to decide if you are ready for the responsibilities of parenthood. You will often find that you must put your child’s needs ahead of your own, which isn’t easy. While some women might feel that the option of single parenting seems easier in the beginning, they often soon recognize that single parenting is no different from any other option they may choose, as each option brings with it some sadness and disappointment, either now or later. It may be because you had not planned to be a mother so soon, or because you may feel bad about not being able to provide all the opportunities and material things that you had hoped to give your child. Or it may be because you feel that you are missing out on the carefree life that your friends seem to have.

If these are concerns that you feel you can address successfully as a single parent, single parenting may be the right choice for you. But if you feel that the responsibilities of parenting will seriously affect your happiness or your future, you may want to reconsider your other available options.

Finding a Good Counselor
You may be asking, “What is so important about talking to a counselor, especially if I am supposed to make my own decision?” First of all, counselors are professionals who have been trained to work with young women in an objective manner. So you can trust that they sincerely want what is best for you, with no hidden motives. Without the benefit of this type of unbiased counseling, your decision might easily be swayed by a parent or boyfriend who wants you to keep the baby, or by girlfriends who tell you how much fun they think it would be to have a baby. However, they may not be around for the 2 a.m. feedings, the diaper changes, or the crying.

A counselor will paint you a realistic picture of life, help you decide what you really want, and help you be sure that your wishes are being met by your final decision. You can seek counseling from your clergyman or high school counselor, or you may want to get free counseling from a pregnancy counseling center or family planning clinic. These are listed in the yellow pages under “Pregnancy Counseling and Information” or “Abortion Alternatives.” You can also call Options Magazine at 1-866-OPT-MAGS or go online to www.optionsmagazine.com for a free referral to a qualified counselor in your area.

A good counselor can make all the difference in the world because he or she will be familiar with all of your available options. These professionals knowledge of the options makes them very well qualified to help you make this vitally important decision. They can help you examine the pros and cons of single parenting and help you decide if it is really right for you. And if you elect to single parent, they will help you go into it with foresight and confidence.

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